Someone I cant be with.

Now, is 3.04am and I'm on my mid-sem break. well, I promised myself to study during the whole week but its not school holidays so I have to help my mom babysitting the kids. I get tired then I'll sleep early so I did not study. But I made a new promise where I'll start doing pre-lab and tutorialss TOMORROW.

Ok. I'm not posting rn to talk abt my mid-sem break. I want to talk abt something involving my feelings. Tbh, I do like a lot of guysss. LIKE ok LIKE. I dont want them to be my boyfriend pon, it just get to know them is already enough. and looking at them totally a blessing to my eyes. with their good-looking faces and attitudes and humour. yeahh I like funny guys. However, I love guy. No 's' there bcs I rarely love a guy. I stopped having feelings toward other guys, after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend in 2013. well, it took me 2 fucking yearss to fully moved on from him (no one know dis). Thank god, I moved on. So, basically all the guys I'd been fangirling or crush-ing till now more like ppl that I enjoy talking with or I just like their company.

Since, I fully moved on from my ex boyfriend, and I met a bunch of new people in KMJ, I got my eyes and heart on a guy that I know I can't be with. Its hard to swallow the truth but I have to, well, its hard ya know when u know exactly that you aint pretty enough, cute enough to be with someone so perfect, so  attractively crazy. Someone that I want so baaad! I know I wont get a guy that I want HAHA sad truth.

Its more sad, when I found out who is that girl that my 'someone' keeps talking and tweets about. and even sadder, that girl is my friend, CLOSE friend. I wasnt shock when I knew who he loves bcs she is pretty, annoyingly cute, smart, and definitely one of a kind. If I am a guy, I will fall for her, not someone like me. on another hand I am just a fat girl with big butt, big nose, not centred eyes and annoyingly ugly. I cant be her, I'll never be her. That's why I know I cant have him. now or later. Why he would fall for someone like me, he bluetick-ed me thousand times but keep starting the first conv with my friend. So that is the moment where I know that I'll never get a chance. A chance to show how much love, how much trust, and how big my loyalty that I can give to him. Guys always be guys. They always want someone pretty that they can look at for another 100 years.

Conclusion is I have to get in shape bfr I can start having feelings again, it sucks when u stop liking someone bcs when u look at the mirror and u know that the girl in that mirror is not someone that the guy will fall for. I swallow the truth and bear the heartbreaks, so I can go further and stronger. Lets not putting the guyss as our priority. Having a good career and successful life is the main goal. Lets put faith in Allah and believe, what's meant to be will always meant to be.


"I can only offer you my flaws in exchange of your trust" // Colours, Nisyarudin,

POSTED BY Hafiezah ON Monday, 20 February 2017 @ 11:44
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