So here I am. Nowhere to go. Lost in life. Lose everyone. Hating my self. No idea what to do and talking to this blog. Am I depressed? YES! It just I dont know anything, I dont know whats going on, I dont know what will happen. I have no idea. I have no idea what I wanna do next year. Honestly,
I'm tired of people leaving me
I'm tired of stay alone
I'm tired of being lonely
I'm tired of crying
I'm tired of missing
I'm tired of getting close with people
I'm tired of listening to everyone
I'm tired of hating people
I'm tired of loving people
I'm tired of doing anything
I'm tired of living my life.
I'm 16 going to be, and I feel like I've been through everything. Love life, family problems, study, friends, enemies, strangers, sports and social trap me. I live in a small world with those kind of things. I want to let it happen, I want to let it out, I want to let it go but how? by telling people? yeah but who? friends or close friend? but where are they? and what they can do? Every time I wanna tell someone, I'll stop. I hold myself from doing it. Why? because they never give a damn abt me. If they did, it wont change anything. They never be in my shoes, they never taking a step that I took, they never see what I've seen, they never listen what I listened, they never know what I knew, they never through what I've been through. and last, they never understand me. I know there a lot of people out there, having a hard time, but they're strong, not like me. Desperately, finding my blog, tell everything and try to run, run from all those problems, and never try to solve it. Cause I'm weak. And that's why I hate myself.
Next year, I bet everything going to be different. If last year, I had Asmaa and my RKs and Ilman, this year I have Ayuni but next year, I dont know and for some reasons I dont want to know. I dont even want to live next year. People leaving me oftenly. And I dont know what to say anymore. I'm used to it. Looks like "jangan la pindah" "jangan la tinggalkan aku" "nanti aku rindu kau" "bye" "take care kat sana" are going to be my words, always going to be.
Eveything's gonna be okay. Yes. Because I promise myself, I'm going to leave, leave everyone, leave everything and be a better person without looking back, looking at those people who left me. And I wont let anyone asking me why I changed. Because the answers are not with me, they are with people around me :)
If you think I'm selfish, then it's your answer and I appreciate it. Because I am.